Ring, ring, ring

One thing that is so so so so so hard for me is that my ears ring as a side effect of my antidepressants. Thankfully, I don’t tend to notice it going about my day, but I definitely notice it at night. Which is when I get grumpy from being tired. It’s almost 1am, I’m tired, grumpy, and the ringing is so loud that I am about to have a breakdown. I feel like it has gotten progressively louder over the course of a few months. 

It’s insanely hard to sleep with my ears CONSTANTLY ringing. And it’s not just one pitch either; I can hear layers of them if I listen carefully. If I actually concentrate enough, I can start to feel it in my head. Like pressure under my skin. 

Every night, I have to fall asleep to nature sounds, like rain or the ocean, because it’s a type of white noise that is relaxing that drowns out the ringing just enough. 

You’re probably wondering why I’m not in bed, huh? Who freaking knows? I’m tired as hell but so awake at the same time. That’s always one of the worst things, because I cant stay asleep through the night (I wake up at least twice), I toss and turn so many times when trying to fall asleep and when I’m asleep, and sometimes (like this morning) wake up an hour or more earlier than my alarm, even though I slept terribly. Plus! My bed squeaks so loudly and so easily that I get so tired of it (and I have a roommate that I don’t want to wake up) so I don’t move at all. So then I sleep terrible because I don’t move to get comfortable. 

It’s a vicious cycle. And I’m pretty much just complaining at this point, but whatever. This is what happens. 

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