“Special K,” London

Here is the story of “Special K” from London.

“So to give you a little bit of background my mum, her uncle, my stepdad & my sister are all mentally ill they suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and depression is part of that.

Growing up as a child I went into care of social services as my mum could no longer give me the upbringing and live she thought I deserved. I was in and out of care from the age of 2-8 while mum was in and out of hospital and finally went into care full time at the age of 12.

I first experienced depression when I was 19 and my boyfriend and his mum were amazing about it however it seem to only last for a few months. I thought it was just a passing phase! However after moving to London from Devon at the age of 22 after splitting up from my boyfriend I started to experience a bit of anxiety and felt a little empty.

I had made lots of new friends but could not shift this feeling and more “episodes” of depression began to happen. When I was 26 it was to be a monumentally negative year! Everything in my life was great, I had a great job my own place I was seeing a great guy who was hardworking successful etc etc. So you’d think everything was looking up right… Wrong! Throughout the year my depression started to settle in. Come September time I was unable to function erratic thoughts anxiety loss of sleep, over sleeping , loss of appetite, when walking anywhere it just seem to take so long and my body was so heavy.

I finally gave in to these feelings and went to the doctor who started me on a course of tablets, I felt like I had leg myself down as I’d only taken them once before when I was 19. As the weeks went on I flew into deeper  midst of despair. I could not work and had no money coming in. I had to move out of my flat and in with a friend this pushed me further into a downhill spiral. I began to feel worst and worst until one day the dreaded suicide thoughts came into play. I went back to my doctor who referred me to a psychiatrist. She was a foreign lady who’s lack of English presented a great barrier for us to work on me. I felt like I was getting nowhere. One day when I was feeling like I was going act on those thoughts I had an appt booked with my psychiatrist however she was out of the office and nobody could help me. I tried to go home and stood in the middle of Farringdon station in floods of tears wondering how I was gonna live another day. I called a friend who took me to a&e who then placed me with the crisis management team who I had to report to every day. In time things became a little bit easier.
They had stabilised my medication I was able to talk everyday about how I was feeling and a few months later I returned to work.

After a couple of years of medication, good diet, healthy exercise and positivity in my life I decided to go for counselling. I was placed into group therapy for a year. I was finally then in a position to try and come off my tablets. I have now been off my tablets for nearly 18 months. I had a bit a stress at the beginning of this year which caused an episode however it only lasted a week and now when I feel low I can pinpoint it to a situation and I haven’t had suicidal thoughts since my darkest days.

As I now write this I have just become a home owner (this week) and I am about to embark on a new chapter of life with my wonderful partner. I hope this helps someone to know that even in your darkest hour of the darkest days there is always a way out, and things can get better.”